What do you say next, once you have started a conversation?
You've been brave enough to start a conversation with a stranger. You've done a great job of connecting with them. Then . . . there could be that embarrassing silence.
Unless . . . you know how to follow up on your opening remark. Jill Spiegel, in her book "How to Talk About Anything to Anyone", list four brilliant ways to follow through with your opening lines.
Share Information about Yourself
Keep a Journal or Topic List
Share and Tell
Give a magic answer to "What do you do?"
1) Share information about yourself
To build a sense of trust with a stranger, we need to give the other person more information about ourselves. If we immediately ask them about their lives it can seem like an interrogation. They may be wondering "Why is this person asking me all these questions? Nothing to do with them." It can produce a negative response.
When you say something about yourself, your chances of reminding them of a similar event or experience is greatly increased. You have made a connection. You and the stranger now share similar experiences.
And when you have things in common, you have established a connection. People love to listen to people with whom they have something in common. You are like them. The conversation can continue.
2) Keep a Journal or a Topic list
Most conversations revolve around past events. We all have experiences that we can talk about but often we never make a note of them. By keeping a 'journal' or 'diary', you can quickly recall past events that you could talk about. However, the journal relies on dates which can be a slower way of recalling past experiences.
A quicker method to recall events is to use the 'topic list'. By recording events according to a topic, you start associating words and events. For example, your stranger talks about the topic 'food'. You have a series of topics related to 'food'. It could be 'best restaurants', 'worst sandwiches', 'inspiring hot' foods, 'disappointing cold' foods etc.
Once the other person responds to one of your emotional likes or dislikes, you can share an insight of your own. You both have lived through a similar experience or event that means something to you. It is an emotional connection that is enough to create a bond. And it is this connection that moves the conversation forward.
3) Share and Tell
While we often use words to provide a means of connection, pictures and objects can do a quicker job. People love to see photographs and then hear about their significance to you. Trinkets or objects can have the same effect.
Smartphones are a godsend for connecting with images. We can present pictures of our family, friends, or events that give endless topics for conversation. Just click on the appropriate image, show it to your 'newfound friend', and you have oodles to talk about. Explain why the image is meaningful to you, show an emotional involvement, and you have your listener waiting for more. Emotion always works.
When you share images that mean a lot to you, be it people or events, you build a meaningful relationship with the listener. The conversation builds.
VIDEO: Talk about your interests
4) The Magic answer to "What do you do?"
The most common question that strangers ask is, "What do you do?". Behind the question is the need to know the other person better. We rarely continue a relationship with another person until we know a bit more about them. The "What do you do?" is not so much an enquiry into your occupation as "Do we have anything in common? If we do, I may listen to you."
If it is your occupation, tell how you make other people's lives better. Explain how you help others. What you 'do' is how you help others. Not what the job entails. You are explaining not what you do but what you are. Why you are of value.
Next, your task is to search for things that you have in common. Keep producing. The more you can offer, the more you might hit on something that you have in common. Your occupation is the answer most people give. But try the hobbies that you love, friends that mean a lot to you, organisations that you belong to. Lots and lots of possibilities. You are trying to connect. To find something that you both have in common.
You need to go into detail. Name the hobby or occupation and say why you love it. What you hate about it. Get emotional. Emotions connect. The more you love and hate something, the more people want to listen.
When you share your occupation or your hobbies with a passion, you immediately become interesting to others. You create fascinating conversations.
Conclusion
I hope this session on how to continue a conversation, once you have started it, has been useful. We have covered possible alternatives such as sharing information about yourself, keeping a journal of topics or saying more that "What you do". Each variation helps the conversation to move along and make you a person to be with. Every success.
ends
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